Challenging Friends

I confess that my struggle with work is not independent of my personal emotional state. At the same time that my duties have suddenly tripled, I am in the middle of coordinating renovation for my new flat, and trying to handle a handful of friendships that have become complicated. Things are not going well for friends, and some have a problem that I am not having a good time.

Two of my friends are in need of counselling - one who is coming to discover that her feelings for other women are not platonic, and the other having just quit her job as a pastor after 11 years of service at a church who accused her of something entirely without basis or proof. Both are going through crises in their lives and I feel awful as a friend because I do not know how to console them. And I don't even want to pretend to try in case I make things worse. All I can do is offer my ears, and find time to just hang out with them.

In addition, my days are now filled with back to back meetings. I am unable to respond to their text messages and calls when they need a friend because I'm in a room full of people on a conference call. I feel guilty that I do not have time for them (I hardly see my parents too though we're living in the same house!), and am afraid that they will do something to hurt themself.

At the same time, I have "happy" friends who cannot deal with it when I am not happy. It was quite an experience for me to discover that. These friends want your company when you make them laugh, are charming, have witty stories to tell. However, when you start revealing the hard facts of life, become transparent to the problems you face in your life, and are not in the mood to be the life of the party, they actually get upset. They do not like to be reminded that life can be tough, and that there are people who are less fortunate than them who have real issues on their hands. They get angry with me because I upset the predictable, "happy" balance of their lives.

It has been a time where I have had to re-evaluate my friendship with those close to me, and to evaluate myself as a friend. Not a place where I want to be at this time, given that I have enough pressure in my life already. But they have provided insight and is another step of self-discovery.