An (Above) Average Composition

Quote:

"Looking outside my window - Describe sights, sounds & additives"

"Looking outside my window, got bird, got boy. Boy eat bird, bird die. I see a rainbow outside. It is very colourful. I am happy because it is very beautiful. I see children playing with balls. All kinds of balls. Football, basketball, baseball, ballball.

My mom and dad come into my room and sit beside me on my bed. They look outside the window too. My mom is sitting on my right and my dad is sitting on my left. they are happy that I am happy. Suddenly, some sparrows flew past. our family dog then jumped out of the window to catch some birds.

Our dog is a very active dog. He eats a lot. He is an active dog who eats a lot. This is why he is active. However, he is not a very clever dog because he is mad. When he jumped out of th ewindow to catch the birds, he forget that our family lives on the twenty fifth floor. Dog die. Me sad.

This is a bad day for me looking outside the window because I am sad. i am sad because my parents just bought the dog yesterday. We are sad. Suddenly an aeroplane flies past the window. We forget about our dog and are very surprised because we have never seen an aeroplane before. As a result, we are happy because the aeroplane is exciting.

My mom is talking to me, but I continue looking out the window. She screams, but I still look outside the window. I am deaf because of the large sound from the aeroplane. We are sad again, but happy because the rainbow is still in the sky.

This is an exciting day outside my window."

Teacher's comments:
Long Title. Third and fourth paragraphs are crossed out in red.

Grade attained:
C+

Note: The age and grade level of the student is unavailable at this present time. Yes, this is an actual composition handed in as homework. Is it true? If you think so you should join the dog.