Laufen Accessories

Am going to take a look at Laufen accessories later today. And exactly what accessories am I hunting for? They are what you sit on when detoxifying your system while reading a book, knocking your head for solutions to problems at work, or even composing poetry. It has been called "thrones" for those who dream of being part of royalty. In Europe, they install them over moats so that everything can be dropped and "flushed" away...

While I have sadly (yes, I am disappointed with myself!) chosen a design that is safe and functional, here are some razzier, more unique versions of what people around the world think toilet bowls & seats should look like...

What have I gotten myself into??

So today is the last day of my new hire orientation, along with 20 other colleagues. We were brought through the most engaging part of the orientation - the performance management process. It was mind blowing the amount of thought, effort and ingenuity our company has invested into this system of reviewing (& rewarding) their employees.

A component of this performance process includes a peer review where others in your employment grade level will assess your performance & capability. So if you are eyeing to hit the top performance spot for your employment grade level, be very sure that you will have a tough fight on your hands as it's available to 1 out of every 5 employees. On top of skill and capability, your peers and colleagues have to like you.

Our company being a true global company, you might find yourself in competition with talents that span worldwide. Pretty sobering thought as there are indeed quite a number of talented, skilled and knowledgeable people at every level. What unnerved me was that the performance review is done in an "open" concept. Which means the goals you have set for yourself are made public in a meeting. And your manager gets to discuss about your achievements, performance (and failures!!) with managers from other regions. Another very American concept which is contrary to the Asian nature. Having worked in local companies for most of my career, assessments were more informal and conducted behind closed doors. There was a degree of discrepancy. Not so here.

While I know that I have definitely been giving my best and have no qualms that I've been responsible to my duties, still there is a level of intimidation at being disected in public in front of your boss and peers. Its not necessarily a bad thing if I can handle criticisms positively, and get past my Asian inhibitions. I would say it is an opportunity of growth even. Still I can't help but wonder what I've gotten myself into.

Politeness - Extinct in Asia?

There has been much talk recently revolving around the World Politeness Survey conducted by Reader's Digest. The results of the findings were pretty shocking - at least to me.

It ranked New York as bagging the top place in the politeness survey, and Mumbai the last. Singapore came in 30. I was actually surprised we didn't rank lower. I think Singaporeans are rude to the point of being barbaric - I've lived here for over 30 years and still managed to be surprised by some form of rudeness every so often.

Apparently, they performed 3 tests in determining the results of the survey. 1. if people opened doors for others, 2. if people helped someone who had dropped their documents, and 3. If shop assistants thanked customers after a purchase. Both Paris and London came in 15th. How did YOUR city do? I don't know. Check it out for yourself.

Workout Posers

I'm sure you've met them. Those who always seem to fit perfectly in a particular situation and circumstance, blending in perfectly with the environment. It's as if they have rehearsed their routine 100 times. And when you observe their knowledge and confidence in that setting, it becomes obvious that they're not in their natural habitat.

Exactly which specific "habitat" am I referring to? My gym. I have been working out since I was 18. There were a number of years where I had to stop due to (ironically) health issues, but started becoming active again some 6 years ago. So it was a typical day for me yesterday where I was trying out the newest branch of California Fitness.

So there are different "cultures" that come with each branch. For example, the workout patrons at the Raffles Place branch (located at the centre of the business district) where my office is, typically consists of people who are there to work off their stress. The ratio of caucasians are slightly higher, and most would walk past you with an occupied look, often not watching where they're going.

The new branch I'm trying out is at Bugis - an old part of town that used to be occupied by small time hawkers. The shopping mall was relatively new, and the gym was completely new. So I was working out there and realised there were a lot of hot girls. They were wearing those tight, nylon gym wear pieces that insist you must have 0% body fat in order to carry them off. Another (more puzzling) observation was also that they had full make up on, and many wore contact lenses.

These ladies are workout posers. While the rest of us set our weights to a load that will have us red in the face by the 8th repetition, they are still gently and composedly lifting weights so light that they're still not breaking sweat on the 35th repetition. So what are they doing here? Just observe the number of dropped jaws and drool leaking off the gapes of guys within a 6 feet radius as these ladies breathe in and out while doing their repetitions. I'm sure it'll be pretty easy for you to catch on to how these ladies get their kicks...

Temperaments

I suspect I'm having PMS. Why? I was all chirpy and happy to the point of being irritating until today. Suddenly my co-participants who had been so charming and intriguing turned to noisy monsters who talked too much and asked too many questions. I was grumpy, impatient, and had thought attacks.

Something I learned at my orientation - thought attacks are those unhappy, nasty thoughts that pop into your head. Attack thoughts is how you will approach these nasty thoughts that pop into your head, and how you get rid of them. The most damaging thought attacks may not necessarily be toward someone else. They are more dangerous when directed at yourself, with all fingers of blame and guilt pointing in your direction.

Well, what confirmed it was on my way home, I clicked my iPod wheel to an album of melancholic, soppy Chinese songs. And for no reason at all, I started thinking about my ex. I DEFINITELY know that its an imablance of my hormones after that. The upside of it? I can plan mean pranks on my co-participants at the orientation tomorrow without feeling any shred of guilt... *grin* (goes to bed happy).

Orientation

So this is the 2nd day I'm at the new hire orientation. All the while fretting about my communication plan for a project at work. It had no official deadline, but I knew our team leader asked for review of our project from a 3rd party change vendor tomorrow. Anway, will gripe about the pains of 3rd party vendors in a separate entry (d-oh.. should I even START?)

So, about this orientation. It spans over 3 full days. A prerequisite to this orientation was completing a 30 question questionairre to measure me on my work orientation. The areas of measurement cover Challenge, Freedom, Balance, Advancement. If there are more, I can't remember them. So the first time I took the questionairre, I answered with a politically correct attitude. I scored pretty even for everything - coming out tops in Balance and Advancement, with (need for) Freedom being my lowest score.

Then, the devil in me came out and I decided to take the test again throwing caution to the wind. My true self emerged with a highest score for Challenge, with Freedom and Advancement tying at 2nd place, and Balance coming in last with a miserable score of 3...

That explains a lot. Why I previously stayed at a job that paid me slightly more than half my market value, demanded long hours with an autocratic boss and no job prospects. However, 90% of problems encountered required unique, out of the box solutions (we WERE an IT solutions company after all). On top of that, deadlines were either tomorrow or end of this week, if not yesterday.

I thrived on the rush, the intense focus and drive that can consume you when you own a project that has an instant turnaround time. And I found I enjoyed the stretch and competing myself with my last best time / work. I could have stayed on that job for an even longer time if my need for appreciation and advancement hadn't finally kicked in. I decided then that the adrenaline rush was no longer worth it.

How is this knowledge applicable for my current job? I'm not sure yet. I have 3 documents to work through before I can decipher what it means for me.

Fight Turns into Brawl

Believe it or not, yesterday's email conversation carried on today:

Mr Cool: Chey.....NO MONEY = NO HONEY!!!! hahahaahah

Side note: Mr Cool is Mr Attention Seeking's nemesis. He's the smartest, most knowledgeable, successful and coolest guy in our group. Naturally, everyone wants to talk to him when he's around and Mr Attention Seeking has to make way for the spotlight.

Tip: Mr Attention Seeking secretly hates Mr Cool's guts, but is at the same time awed and afraid of him.

Ms L (finally checking in again): Hey too many mails. Aunty cannot keep track! Am booking the dresser by end this week. Who is on? Only "Mr Irritated" is it? I think my boss and another gf might wanna go too. I'm going Happy on 5 and 12 July. Who's keen?

Side note: Happy is a gay club that is HAPPENING. Ms L loves its unique atmosphere and will typically visit it every other week with one of our very gay friend.

Ms Ullyss (now also irritated): Richest mitre : One who does not spend any $ in the world and brings it all to the grave => You know who.

Poorest : one who spends and donate what little she has to make the world a little better => quite a few of us.

Women prefer someone who is a little generous toward not only herself but also towards others.

Me (yielding to group influence): Which aligns with Mr Cool's statement too - NO MONEY=NO HONEY...

Electronic Crisis

Communications technology has drastically transformed the world we live in today. It is almost unrecognisable from the world we were born in. I remember my first word processing program - Wordperfect, and remember the time when Windows existed on houses, not in computers. We were taping programs & songs on VCR and cassette tapes, and used to spend huge amounts of money printing out multiple copies of photos to send to various friends & releatives.

While new communications platforms are revolutionising our offices, home and countries - i'm struggling with the power of communications. Literally. I own: 1 work phone & 1 personal phone, 1 office laptop & 1 personal laptop, 1 PDA, 1 ipod, 1 digital camera... No I'm not trying to brag. I'm trying to tell you what a hard time I'm having in keeping all of them fully charged and fit for use.

If you took away all my power cords and chargers, I'm basically incapacitated and rendered useless, ineffective and superfluous. I can no longer write a letter without having to hit "Enter" for paragraphs. My hands hurt when I have to use pen and paper to write anything more than 150 words. I am also clueless about postage costs for local and international mail. My fingers hurt when I have to press more than 1 button to dial a friend. I now have no clue what are the first few numbers of my best friend's home phone.

Without all my modern day electronics, I'll probably be fired from my job (since I communicate 95% through email and need to upload stuff onto the web). I will lose contact with all my friends as their contact numbers are all stored in either my mobile phone or PDA. I'll be uninspired without my ipod and have photos with all my flaws (digital photos allow me to "touch up" a pimple, shiny face, freckles, etc.)...

I should really have a back up plan for communicating with others should there come a day when the world runs out of electricity. Just thinking about that freaks me out.

How Boyz Fight

I occasionally hang out with a gang of 5. A group of homo sapiens who are so strong and individualistic in our approach that we can be considered "weird" or "eccentric". While I will have pages of engaging material for you if I were to describe each of my friends to you, my purpose in this entry is to relate and illustrate that no matter how old the male species grow into, they convert to boys the instant they start arguing... Here is an (edited) email "conversation" that recently transpired between us.

Me: Hi Friends, Am planning to attend this opera with a couple of friends. Anybody else interested? Like they say, the more the merrier. Details of this opera found here: (web link) We are thinking of getting seats for 17th July, Monday evening. Aiming to get the $80 tickets. Anybody keen?

Miss L (one of my girl buddies): I'm giving this a miss. Thanks. In the month of July alone, I'm going for Cabaret, Salsa salsa salsa! and The Dresser. Need to save money for my 250k retirement!!

Side note: We had a conversation about having enough cash to retire one day, and someone worked out that we need at least $250K to retire well.

Mr Attention Seeking: Sorry, no $$, very poor to enjoy such luxury.

Side note: This guy is actually the richest among all of us - I won't reveal the amount he has in the bank, but its enough to buy him a resort condo in Thailand.

Mr Irritated: What happened? ...

Side Note: This is Mr Attention Seeking's Buddy who ratted on how much Mr Attention Seeking had in his bank account because he was too irritated by Mr Attention Seeking's continuous ridiculous claims.

Mr Irritated (again): I also no money ... Nothing happened ...

Me: Ok, so we are a little cash strapped in this group... For some reasons and other non-reasons..

Ms Ullyss: going for cabaret. have 20% discount for it. cant wait

Mr Attention Seeking: $$ no enuff. So confined at home watch Japanese Anime lor. While others grace the ceiling and floor of Esplanade...

Mr Irritated (Now Irritated): Eh, U want so much money for wat? Think u can bring all of them into ur grave meh? Statistically, about 40% of folks died without even knowing so. I'm sure u wldn't want to count money while u r dying on the bed and regret not using them to enjoy massages while u cld do so ...now u want also hard liao ... Stupid new rules ...

Side Note: The Singapore government recently came up with new rules on going for massage. Read here. The video is more informative.

Mr Irritated (excited): hey, who wanna go shoot birds? hehee, i got a new "gun" can't wait to use it. tell me tell me where can find BIG birds ...

Mr Attention Seeking: Shoot big bird go sasame street lor. He still have'nt move out yet. Your gun so powerful meh? can kill a big bird?

Me (trying to divert a fight): Don't know about big birds, but there is a season where S'goon Gardens gets infested with black ravens on the trees. So many birds, even if you shoot at random, you're bound to hit one or other. Hopefully not a human "bird".

Mr Irritated (now VERY irritated): human "bird" ... u mean someone like "Mr Attention Seeking"?

------------------------- END --------------------------

Ok, so I know this is a meaningless entry. But if you were in our group like I am, you would find it hilarious, yet sad. So why do I still hang out with these boys? Well, they are as authentic as friends get. And they sure make life a lot more interesting.

Postscript: Just in case you're interested in knowing, Mr Attention Seeking & Mr Irritated are both in early and late 30s.

Out-of-the-box advertising

My friend who's working in an ad agency sent me some creative ads. Really ingenuous and inspiring. Which is your favourite? They should have a poll feature here so I can start a vote on the best loved ad!! My personal fave? A close fight between the plastic surgery and forsters' coffee ad...